ความคิดเห็นที่ 1
A book is A useful thing (find a better noun) and has several advantages. It is filled with the precious knowledge that a writer TRIES to convey to readers. HOWEVER, because we are living in the era of technology WHERE computerS have a big impact on our world, I would recommend my school to PURCHASE a computer INSTEAD OF a BOOK.
[a little too wordy. you can shorten it up to something like ALthough a book is a precious resource to education, a computer would be a better asset to a school since we are living in an era of technology ]
The most OBVIOUS important (pick between obvious or important) reason relates to THE methods of knowledge acquisition. (weird wording) [searching information on a computer is] easier and quicker than ON A book. Nowadays, when students want to gain information about anything, they CAN just surf the internet on a computer TO access search engineS like www.google.com, AND IMMEDIATELY, the information they SEEK will be shown. Moreove, that knowledge is normally quite up-to-date and comes from many sources around the world. A COMPUTER GIVES students MORE information FROM DIFFERENT SOURCES than books.
(also wordy and the wording is somewhat confusing)
The next equally significant reason concerns with being an effective instructional TOOL THAT ATTRACTS students' attention to learn things more EFFICIENTLY than books. computer graphics such as colourful letters AND pictures CAN STIR AN interest FOR studentS to study enthusiastically. Like me, when I was a child, I WAS excited everytime my teachers allowed ME to lUSE THE COMPUTER TO Learn English. I enjoyed watching the letter A jumping and the letter B singing a song. (FIND SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING ABOUT THE GRAPHICS) It was MORE FUN to study USING A COMPUTER than FROM READING A BOOK WHICH boreD me sometimes.
The last reason which should not BE overlooked is that A computer CAN provide students with many functionS. A book might be produced only to read but A computer can do several things like graphic designING, sending e-mail, typing a letter, and so on. Therefore, purchasing computers is A BETTER investment that can lead to (FIND A BETTER ADJECTIVE)
Even though the book is useful, in modern world that the computer has crucial roles it would be better to support students by computers so that they will get familliar with them. I predict that soon people who cannot work with the computer will be disadvantaged. (SEVERAL GRAMMAR MISTAKES IN THIS PARAGRAPH) ________
Basically, you have a problem with wordy paragraphs. try shortening up your paragraphs because the sentences get repetitive. Your paragraph also lacks a clear structure. Try using something like
intro: although a book is good, a computer is better because (list your reasons here)
first paragraph: a computer is better because of (reason number one)
second paragraph: reason number two
conclusion: rephrase the intro. _______
if you need any help, just post back. good luck.
จากคุณ :
mike
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2 ส.ค. 51 02:09:50
A:124.120.133.103 X: TicketID:181968
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