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DOMESTI VIOLENCE....the truth to be told!!
I wish I can type this topic in Thai but my Thai typing skill is terrible.
Ive read one of the topics in this Board and its reminded me of my friend story. One of my best friend was abuse survivor. I dont use the word Victim because she was a survivor of the abusive relationship. No, she wasnt hit or hurt physically. But she was emotionally and verbally abuse all the time. He would call her name and threatens to call immigration to send her back to Thailand. He tired to isolate her from her friends. Its a long battle for her. Now, she lives happily with her kid, and her husband is no longer in contact with them.
This topic is dear and near to my heart. Its sad every time I see patients come to emergency room or admitted to the floor as a result of spousal abuses. My hospital does not treat children, but I have seen several cases of child abuse when I was training in childrens hospital.
In the United States, woman is abused every 15 minutes by their partner or spouse. Abuse comes in many forms. The abuse can be PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL and SEXUAL abuse.
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If the person you love or live with does these things, its time to get help:
Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
Controls all the money you spend.
Humiliates you in front of others.
Destroys your property or things that you care about.
Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
Forces you to have sex against your will.
Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.
Abusers frequently have the following characteristics:
Often blow up in anger at small incidents. He or she is often easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really very angry.
Are excessively jealous: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may claim that jealousy is a sign of his or her love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love.
Like to isolate victim: He or she may try to cut you off from social supports, accusing the people who act as your support network of "causing trouble."
Have a poor self-image; are insecure.
Blame others for their own problems.
Blame others for their own feelings and are very manipulative. An abusive person will often say "you make me mad", "youre hurting me by not doing what I ask", or "I cant help being angry".
Often are alcohol or drug abusers.
May have a fascination with weapons.
May think it is okay to solve conflicts with violence.
Often make threats of violence, breaking or striking objects.
Often use physical force during arguments.
Often use verbal threats such as, "Ill slap your mouth off", "Ill kill you", or "Ill break your neck". Abusers may try to excuse this behaviour by saying, "everybody talks like that".
May hold rigid stereotypical views of the roles of men and women. The abuser may see women as inferior to men, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
Are very controlling of others. Controlling behaviours often grow to the point where victims are not allowed to make personal decisions.
May be quick to become involved in relationships. Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together.
May have unrealistic expectations. The abuser may expect his or her partner to fulfill all his or her needs. The abusive person may say, If you love me, Im all you need- youre all I need".
May use "playful" force during sex, and/or may want to act out sexual fantasies in which the victim is helpless.
May say things that are intentionally cruel and hurtful in order to degrade, humiliate, or run down the victims accomplishments.
Tend to be moody and unpredictable. They may be nice one minute and the next minute explosive. Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of men who beat their partners.
May have a history of battering: the abuser may admit to hitting others in the past, but will claim the victim asked for it. An abuser will beat any woman he is with; situational circumstances do not make a person abusive.
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Case study (Warning..its very graphic)
One of the classes that I have to take this quater is learning to recognize different sign and injury from physical abuse. We learn how to correctly chart the injury as a primary care provider. One of the cases that I remembered well was the case of the 38-year-old woman and her two daughters. The case was horrified and the pictures of the injuries from the autopsy and hospitals file are very upsetting.
This 38-year-old woman was badly beaten and her throat was slashed by knife. She dies a few hours after arrival. On the autopsy, she was raped and assaulted by the bloom handle. Her two daughters, 7 and 10, were also badly beaten, raped and assaulted the same way. They both also slashed by the throat and left to die. One of the daughter die at the scene. The other one live and was able to identify the person who committed the crime. The murder in the case was mothers husband and the girls stepfather. He was later arrested and prosecuted.
From the ED record, the woman came to ED many times with fracture injury and bruises. ED staff has notified the police but every time woman has been denies the assault and stated it was just an accident. This is just one of the cases we learn in class.
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I want to say Its NOT OK that your husband or boyfriend to hit you or your children even ONCE. It doesnt matter he did it because he mad, he upset, he drunk
.its WRONG. If he cares about and love you and the children, he will treat you with respect. He will not threaten you or belittled you. He will not hurt you.
I cant say I know how it feels because Ive never in the situation. But my point is
if you or someone you know is in this situation. Please convince them to seek help. Talk to your friend or your family. There are someone out there that can help you. There are shelter and hotline in every states and cities. If you are hurt, go to the hospital
tell the nurse or doctor, they can help you find help and contact appropriate person. Many police department such as in Oakland, CA..there is a special force assigned for domestic violence and child/elderly abuse.
Ive done report on abuse when I did my undergrad research. One of the women who left abusive relationship said
the road was long and difficult, but it worth it every minute
Good luck and hope my information can help one less woman and children from getting hurt in abusive relationship.
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