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    Could anyone lookthrough my Illustration Essay? "The Impossible Peace"

    Is my Intro and Conclusion relevant to the content?
    What are the problems, weak points of my essay?
    Is word choices really matter? For this esaay, I tried to use variety of words because it is said that using the same word repeatedly could bore the reader. I don't know if I over do it or not.  
    What about the organization of my essay, is it well constructed? I'm kind of think that it is not What would you suggest?

    Thank you so much for all the helps. It has been such a pleasure being here and receiving such  supports in improving my English writing. I will always do my best, I promise.                    

                                 The Impossible Peace

             For Jews and Muslims, Jerusalem has been a city of hope and loss. It has been their homeland but also their battlefield. Its history has been filled with great joy but also with tragedy. In Hebrew, the name "Jerusalem" literally means a "city of peace." Ironically, people there have not seem such thing for a long time. There have been numbers of peace plans to settle this conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians but not even one has been succeeded; occasionally, they even worsened the situation. One of the most well-known solution is the Oslo Accord, the first official agreement signed by the leaders of both sides. It was first seen as the hope to the end of the conflict and the creation of a bi-national state. Yet, some groups did not accept it and launched a series of suicide bombings. This accord is now viewed to have brought more hatred and violation to the area. Nevertheless, there are still many attempts to end the conflict. I myself once believed that peace would once day be among them since they are similar in many ways regarding their religions and ancestor. However, after carefully examined the current situation and history, I have come to a conclusion that peace between them is impossible because each side has claimed Jerusalem to belong only to them and also their hatred has gone far from negotiable.
             The first reason peace is impossible is due to their beliefs that all areas of Jerusalem belong only to them and to no other else. To begin with, Jews people have claimed that they have all the rights to this land due to God's will and their long close connection to it. Four thousands years ago, God has promised that he will give Abraham, father of all the Jews, and his children the land of Canaan or what is now the capital of the State of Israel. Since then, Jewish people have been waiting for that day to come. The word "Jerusalem" is repeatedly mentioned several times in their daily prayers as well as in many special occasions, for instance, the Passover(Spiro, 2000). In addition, this area had once been under the reign of Jewish kings who had ruled for hundreds of years and built the first Jewish temple in this area. This temple has been the focus of Jewish people around the world. They regard it as "the house of the Lord"(Bible in Spiro, 2000) and the direction in which they say their prayers to. If there is a place on earth that all Jews are willing to sacrifice their lives for, it would be this very place. A Jewish mayor once stated that this land represents, "the purist expression of all that Jews prayed for, dreamed of, cried for, and died for"(Pipes, 2001).
    On the other hand, a similar statement has been made by the Muslims also. They have claimed Jerusalem to be extremely important to them. In fact, it is one of the three holiest places in Islam. In the Koran, Jerusalem is said to be blessed. It was where Prophet Muhammed was taken up and joined with other prophets in heaven(Spiro, 2000). The significance of it had been emphasized several times by Prophet Muhammed himself through his teaching. He stated that it is where a single act of worship is equal to a thousand and whoever die there or near by would directly go to heaven(Soufan). Furthermore, in the Koran, while Muslims are regarded to be the most prestigious group of people, Jews are the opposite, "cursed and condemned"(Abbadi). So they are just doing one of Muslims' duties to protect religious sites of their faith from being contaminated by of those corrupted people and bring the holy place back to the right owners.
             The second reason peace is impossible is because of the prolonged aversion between them. Just for the last eight years, almost 5,000 Palestinians have been killed and more than 32,000 have been injured. The rest has been forced to leave their home. Approximately, there are four millions Palestinian refugees around the world now(Ifamericanknow.com). Owing to the loss of ones they love and the harshness of dispersing, hatred has developed. Their expression of hatred has been from incitement of violation to suicide bombings. Terribly, those who carried those horrors were of all ages including young children. In school textbooks, Israel is described to be "a country of gangs, born in crime"(Israel Ministry, 2001) with Jews who are "arrogant and sly traitors"(Israel Ministry, 2001). These are what all children in Palestinian school have been educated, or to be more accurate, "brainwashed." Not to mention the impacts from family and religion. Thus, hatred has been deepening in all Palestinian hearts both of this generation and the coming generation.
             In responding to Palestinian violence, Israel has established a military force and checkpoints to limit the number of Palestinians coming to Israel. The primary objective was to prevent terrorists. However, the presence of humiliation during the search, suffering from long waits at checkpoints, and soldiers' attacks on innocent civilians, has only brought more hatred among them(Mideastweb.org).
             It is ironic that a supposed city of peace is actually the most contentious city on earth. Numerous peace plans has been made but then was collapsed. The hatred between Israelis and Palestinians has been strongly expressed and each has clearly stated that they are the only group whom Jerusalem belongs to. This contention has accumulated over a long period of time and it is now somewhat far beyond being able to be ended. All the attempts to make peace are useless. No one plan has ever worked and will never work. However, they have tried at least. Every plan for peace has been made with a good will and should be taken into action. There is always a light in the dark, I believe. When the darkness disappears, the light will shine. Even though I have concluded that peace among the Jews and Palestinians is impossible, I always wish that I have been wrong. Let the light shine and a city of peace become real.

    Again, thank you.

    แก้ไขเมื่อ 26 พ.ค. 51 01:17:35

    จากคุณ : t_nattawat - [ 26 พ.ค. 51 01:12:47 ]

 
 

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