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    GRE essay 2: please help and make some comments

    Argument Topic:
    “Six months ago the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region’s highways by ten miles per hour. Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent. But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period. Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region’s highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville’s speed limit to what it was before the increase.”

    ****

    Forestville has increased speed limits 10 miles per hours which resulted to increase the accidents 10 percents in six months. When comparing to Elmsford, which remained the speed limit, had the number of accident decreased. Forestville residents’ wants to reduce the number of accident, and the solution that someone proposes might be reducing the speed limit. However, increasing only 10 percent is not the true factors that might cause the accidents.

    First of all, when we compare the number of accidents of Forestville and Elmsford, we don’t know exactly how big of both cities are. Forestville might be a larger city and contain a lot of people. On the other hand, Elmsford might be smaller town and has less dense of the population. The size is one of the factors to determine the number of accidents because it leads to the number of cars on the highways which the accidents could be occurred.

    Second, we don’t know the information about road conditions. For example, the geography of Forestville might be mountain areas, so people need to commute on the highway across the road which has curve conditions, and it is so dangerous and cause accident so easy. However, Elmsford might have geography different. It might have flat roads, and people can drive along the roads easier and having fewer chances to have an accident than Forestville.

    Third, the period of six months doesn’t determine when exactly the results occurred. For example, if the research determined during summer, which a lot of people travelled to visit other places more than fall and winter, this might increase the accident.

    In summary, we could not make a conclusion that the accident in Forestville increased 15 percent by raising 10 percent speed limit because there are still having several factors such as geography, size of city, the number of people, and period of record.

    *****
    About this essay:
    1. Written within 30 minutes
    2. Is an augment that I wrote making senses?
    3. Are there logical examples and reasons on my essay?
    4. Is there any things I need to improve on my writing?

    Thank you so much to all everybody for spending your time here!

    จากคุณ : GRE - [ 30 ก.ย. 51 14:16:42 A:70.137.129.77 X: TicketID:138029 ]

 
 


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