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I have posted in a previous reply that First, Second, Moreover, Finally are cliches that should not be in any essay. Leave them out and your writing will look and sound better.
The first important thing is I have a good chance to practice my language, especially with speech skill....
If I get accepted, I will have have plenty of opportunity to practise speaking.
Also, I can try to be familiar with native speaker so that when I have to face with same situation, I will have more confidence. ....
Take also out.
The second reason is I would like to train myself about working because it is very necessary to have responsibility that is very beneficial to me when i work in any place.
Take second reason out.
Furthermore, Astronomy is a fascinating and useful science that i always pay attention. If I do this work I am sure that I would receive good astronomical knowledge as I like. Take furthermore out. ........
Other expressions are also awkward. If I correct yours, it will be my writing, not yours.
Try to rewrite and make it simple without all unnecessary words.
จากคุณ |
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K.Senior
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เขียนเมื่อ |
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8 พ.ค. 54 22:29:50
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