รบกวนช่วยวิจารณ์งาน essay อีกครั้งค่ะ แก้งานที่แล้วใหม่{แตกประเด็นจาก K10948364}
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อันนี้แก้ใหม่จากงานที่แล้ว คิดว่าดูเป็น descriptive มากขึ้น
หากมีข้อผิดพลาดตรงไหน ช่วยแนะนำด้วยค่ะ
ขอบคุณมากค่ะ 
Downtown Experience
One day, after living in the suburb for a long time and barely had a chance to go out due to her busy study schedule, a girl decided to take a trip downtown. Her destination was Siam Paragon. It was a holiday. The sky was bright and clear, and the sun started rising higher, lighting up the world with its golden orange sunshine and driving off the night’s cold with its new day’s warmth. The dew on fresh green grass sparkled like the stars on earth. As walking on a sky train station, the girl sensed the sweet wonderful smell of coffee and melted butter pastry in the air from the cafés nearby. Having a good feeling about this day, she smiled to herself, unknowingly that she was going to have an interesting experience.
At ten in the morning which was the opening time, arriving at the mall, the girl felt like she just entered a ghost town for the upper class; it was nearly empty but still fancy-looking with all delicate decorations. There were very few people. It was also so quiet that she could hear the sound of her footsteps echoing around the place. Fortunately for her that she has always enjoyed tranquility. Shiny tiled pathways and well-appointed restrooms smelled so new, indicating how well the place was taken care of. She breathed deeply to absorb this relaxing moment but instead, her nose detected the cold scent that came from the air conditioning system and it cooled her lungs. Since this place was not yet fully awake and alive, the girl decided to see a movie to kill some time.
After the movie, it was one in the afternoon. The girl realized that this place has turned into exactly how a famous shopping mall should be like; crowded and noisy. Her eyes twinkled with excitement as she watched shoppers, teens, and families in multicolored clothing walking by. They seemed relaxed and talked so loud that she thought she might have heard their whole conversations and kind of felt like she has unintentionally bonded with them. Wandering through the mall, she perceived every floor had its own scent, cheese-syrup-salt-popcorn smell on the highest floor where movie theaters were located, for example. The atmosphere was highly vivid and everything seemed intriguing in bright fluorescent lights. She loved seeing friendly gatherings even though she was alone.
It was seven in the evening. The sky was dark and it poured with rain outside, making it freezing inside. The mall was now so overpopulated that the girl got confused with directions and annoyingly bumped into something or someone all the time. She thought this was the loudest time of day; that blaring, buzzing noise of people gabbling irritated her mind and she could not even hear herself think. Moreover, zillion odors from numerous sources mixed together were really giddy. Those smells were so strong that she might have actually tasted them on her tongue. Heat and steam from machines and human bodies combined so closely that she could almost touch. Even though she was upset by these, she did not regret staying here at this time. She went home at half past eight, weary.
Apparently, downtown experience at Siam Paragon was not really deluxe at all hours as the girl had expected. The mall was classy but it would not have been remarkably flamboyant without people in it. Although she preferred quietness, it was hard to stay bothered for long when she was surrounded by smiles and laughters.
| จากคุณ |
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jaejune21  
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| เขียนเมื่อ |
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18 ส.ค. 54 22:49:16
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