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said face-to-face communication
^
It sounds unnatural.
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face-to-face communication provides people to deliver the message
^
To "provide somebody to do something" is the wrong verb form of the word "provide".
Remedies: Look up esl dictionaries to see how many different ways you can construct sentences, using the word "provide".
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need more than character from email or letters to communicate with each other
^
I'm not a grammarian, but by reading a lot of books I know instinctively that "the verb 'need' requires a 'subject'". Besides, what do you mean by "character"?
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ambiguous understanding.
^
Why don't you just say "misunderstanding"?
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For example, if you order a product from the internet, you can order it only by telephone calls or email, and then the dealer will send you the ordered product which can be the one that you do not expect.
^
Long winded! Surely, you can be more precise than this.
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you can avoid this conflict
^
Is there any conflict already? I can't see any.
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Second, communicating directly with other forces people to build a relationship with other people.
^
I'm trying to figure out how these people interact with one another:
1. other;
2. people;
3. other people.
I must really confess right here that I'm utterly confused!
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make a friendship with other
^
Unnatural collocation. Look up the word "friend" and "friendship" from esl dictionaries to see how many different ways you can construct sentences with these words.
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ask someone if you need a help
^
It also means "You ask someone whether or not you need any help", which sounds quite strange.
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Last, some circumstances need more than a character to succeed the communication.
^
Circomstances "don't need anything!" Do you mean to say "Under certain circumstances, I, we, you, one, etc....need/needs something?
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it will cause you a significant amount of money
^
To "cause somebody a significant amount of money" is an unnatural collocation. Dictionaries may not help you. You need to read a lot more to avoid this type of mistake.
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my corporation wants to buy a new machine for the industry, an entrepreneur have to negotiate with the seller by himself.
^
You should not join two independent clauses with a "comma".
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In the light of the conclusion, thanks to several reasons mentioned above I believe face-to-face communication is the best patter to transfer the messages from one to another.
^
What do you want to thank "several reasons" for?
What do you mean by "patter" ?
Well, it's not a sentence, really. It's a combination of "fragments".
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I really don't understand why so many Thai students write
firstly,
secondly,
thirdly,
and
lastly,...
^
Goodness! If everybody writes like this, life will be pretty boring. Surely, you can pass your exam without having to behave like sheep. I've managed to pass many English exams much more diffecult than TOEFL without having to write
firstly,
secondly,
thirdly,
and
lastly,...
^
You can do the same. Believe me!
แก้ไขเมื่อ 05 ต.ค. 54 20:41:37
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fortuneteller   
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5 ต.ค. 54 20:37:22
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รบกวนช่วยตรวจwritingให้ทีครับ กำลังจะไปสอบTOEFL
.//), if they can indicates which points should I improve.