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เขาว่าจดหมายฉบับนี้ท่าน Richard Feynman เขียนให้ภรรยา หลังจากที่เธอล่วงลับไปแล้วสองปี กระทู้นี้ทำให้ผมคิดถึงพ่อ To Arline Feynman, October 17, 1946 DArline,
I adore you, sweetheart. I know how much you like to hear that
but I dont only write it because you like it. I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.
It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you almost two years but I know youll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought that there was no sense to writing. But now I know, my darling wife, that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and what I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.
I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead but I still want to comfort and take care of you and I want you to loveme and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that together. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together or learn Chinese or getting a movie projector.
Cant I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the idea-woman and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted and I thought I needed. You neednt have worried.
Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else but I wantyou to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.
I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and dont want to be in my way. Ill bet that you are surprised that I dont even have a girlfriend, except you, sweetheart, after two years. But you cant help it, darling, nor can I I dont understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I dont want to remain alone but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.
My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead.
Rich.
PS Please excuse my not mailing this but I dont know your new address.
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ikkyu
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14 ก.พ. 54 22:37:34
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